The most annoying story about a demon baby of all time.

RosemaryOh MY GOD Rosemary. If anyone were as stupid as this woman, I would be thoroughly bemused if the child that came out of her wasn’t a demon baby. I mean, come ON could she really not see the signs? Let’s count them:

1- The place where she has just moved is said to be haunted. Reputably, quite a few people have lost their lives there. Why move in?

2-Her husband Guy is acting WEIRD. And I don’t mean acting in the sense that he’s an actor, but that he totally loves hanging out with the next door neighbours. This reminds me:

3-Next door neighbours: What the hell ISN’T creepy about people that hang around all the time? And the fact that they keep on coming over and intruding on their space? This perhaps raised more warning bells than usual for me because I’m a Londoner, but serious lack of boundaries worries me.

4-You make one friend in the building, and that friend jumps out the window. That’s OK Rosemary, don’t give her another thought and just go ahead and accept her stinky necklace.

5-Your husband is plotting against you. That’s right, after Guy manages to get a part in a play because another dude is struck BLIND (seriously, is that in any way normal?) he starts spending more time with the neighbours than he does with Rosemary. They are old and creepy Rosemary, I think he might be in league with them!

6- You were raped by a demon. A DEMON. Come ON woman how many clues do you need to make this apparent? YOUR HUSBAND DRUGGED YOU AND A DEMON RAPED YOU. Seriously, even if she didn’t have physical evidence, that would be enough for me to launch proceedings for a divorce.

7- Your doctor doesn’t want you to talk to anyone. Since when do doctors treat patients like that? And tell her not to read things? Or share information with her friends? Or treat the agonising pain that she is feeling? Or ask for a second opinion? But of course, the fact that he goes behind Rosemary’s back to update her husband and the neighbours about her progress is absolutely A-OK. Charming, well done.

8-You are drinking DEMON LIQUID. The creepy neighbour woman is watching AS SHE DRINKS every single day! Everyone knows that you don’t drink something when you don’t know what’s in it! She stops drinking it, she (finally) listens to her friends and wants to get a second opinion about the thing that is clearly knawing her insides out with its little demon teeth, and then poof! she feels better. What does Rosemary do? Go back to her demonic milkshakes.

9- Her friend TELLS HER THEY ARE EVIL. The only thing that was missing was for him to spell it out to her.

By this point, I was past caring for Rosemary as she seemed incapable of seeing any of the demonic or at least highly creepy omens that are ocurring around her. I mean, I get that it’s probably easier for me as I’m reading it and all, but there is literally no way that Ira Levin can spin things without her looking like an absolute mug. Also, Guy should be slapped almost all the time. What an utter troll of a man.

All in all, it’s hard not to predict the outcome of a story┬áthat the film turned into a cult classic. For those of you who don’t want to throw the book in frustration, I recommend sticking to celluloid.

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